The Three Little Pigs
by Nightmouse ninja
Summary: A fairy tale turned real when the characters take over. An overprotective Big Brother Pig, an annoying Baby Brother Pig, an angry Sister Pig and another type of Wolf take over as the Narrator tries to tell the story of the Three Little Pigs altered. REVIE


**A/N: Okay, so maybe I am kind of annoyed today. This is about the Three Little Pigs, but there are a couple of twists along with a couple of innuendos. Please don't take offense.**

NARRATOR

Once upon a time, there lived a wonderful family of pigs. There was a Daddy Pig and a Mommy Pig and a Big Brother Pig and a Baby Brother Pig and a Sister Pig. One day, after Daddy Pig got home from work, Sister Pig decided to make dinner for her family.

BABY BROTHER PIG

Seriously? She can't cook.

SISTER PIG

Hey!

NARRATOR

Ahem.

BABY BROTHER PIG

What?

NARRATOR

Are you quite finished?

BABY BROTHER PIG

Yes.

NARRATOR

Thank you. Anyway- Sister Pig decided that she was to make dinner for her family. Sister Pig was very partial to the grassy knoll across the pasture. Unfortunately, they were out of grass from the grassy knoll. So Sister Pig put on her yellow cap and went to the grassy knoll to get some of the yummy grass.

SISTER PIG

Are you kidding me? The grassy knoll was overrun with toxic waste products due to pollution and littering ages ago.

NARRATOR

No it wasn't.

SISTER PIG

Fine then, you go try some.

NARRATOR

Can you just put on your yellow cap and cooperate, please?

SISTER PIG

That's no fun.

NARRATOR

Just do it. (SISTER PIG does.) Thank you. As I was saying- Sister Pig was going to the grassy knoll on the other side of the pasture to get some yummy grass. On the way to the grassy knoll, Sister Pig ran into a very attractive and dangerous looking wolf. The wolf was attractive and amazing. He was probably the most attractive and dangerous and amazing thing that Sister Pig had ever seen.

SISTER PIG

Actually, he's quite repulsive looking.

NARRATOR

Is not!

BABY BROTHER PIG

Yeah, Sister Pig, don't you always go to the grassy knoll just so you can see Wolf everyday?

SISTER PIG

Oh, I so do not!

BABY BROTHER PIG

Yes you do.

NARRATOR

Would you two give it a rest for twelve seconds?

SISTER PIG

Fine.

BABY BROTHER PIG

Okey-dokey.

NARRATOR

(Imitating an attractive, amazing, dangerous wolf voice) Hello there, little piggy. What's your name?

WOLF

Hey! I don't sound that nasally!

BABY BROTHER PIG

(Under her breath) Wanna bet?

WOLF

I sound seductive and sexy and attractive and amazing and dangerous.

BABY BROTHER PIG

No, you sound like an idiot.

WOLF

Watch it, Porky.

BABY BROTHER PIG

That's Mr. Porky to you.

NARRATOR

Please! Stop acting like petulant children!

BABY BROTHER PIG

What does petulant mean?

WOLF

Stupid pork.

SISTER PIG

Excuse me?

WOLF

Oh, babe, I didn't mean you.

SISTER PIG

Shut up.

NARRATOR

Thank you. ANY way- Sister Pig knew that it was wrong to talk to strangers. So she ignored Wolf and continued on her way to the grassy knoll.

WOLF

Actually, she did talk to me.

SISTER PIG

Actually, Wolf, I do like this story so far. So shut up. I want to hear the rest of it.

NARRATOR

Ha, ha. I win.

WOLF

It was never a contest.

BABY BROTHER PIG

Only the losers say that.

NARRATOR

When Sister Pig got to the grassy knoll, she ran into her older brother, Big Brother Pig. Big Brother Pig was very smart because he always listened to what everyone said.

BIG BROTHER PIG

And that is why I want to know what my sister was doing talking to the big, bad wolf?!

SISTER PIG

Oh please. That's all a bloody act. He's not so bad. In fact, if he would wash himself at least once a week, he'd be quite presentable.

WOLF

Notice she left the big part alone.

BIG BROTHER PIG

Oh, she better have.

SISTER PIG

Don't worry, Big Brother Pig. (Under her breath) When was the last time a tootsie roll was considered big?

BIG BROTHER PIG

Wolf has tootsie rolls?

WOLF

Hey!

NARRATOR

At one point this was meant to be a children's story.

SISTER PIG

… Your point?

NARRATOR

You could at least try to keep it clean.

SISTER PIG

No. You keep littering and ruining my grassy knoll. I'm going to ruin your story.

NARRATOR

Oh, I would like to see you try.

SISTER PIG

Fine. I will.

NARRATOR

Bring it, pig.

SISTER PIG

Once upon a time there was a dysfunctional family living in the middle of the ghetto where the city didn't care about what happened to the area. Because of this, the area became a dumping ground for toxic waste and trash. The water was infected, and could not be drunk. So everyone drank alcohol, because let's face it, at least that's clean! The family of five, mom, dad, and three kids (two of which had questionable paternal units) all lived in a one bedroom house. Big Brother was a homophobic homosexual who sold drugs on the side to support his constant nights at Chippendales. Sister was a teenage mother who had gotten pregnant at a party as the after effects of a very exotic one night stand. Although she can't quite remember the details, Baby Brother, who was constantly tracking everyone's lives often enjoyed chiding her about a model airplane. Baby Brother had his own problems. He was a mistake, and his conception was the reason for the eventual parent's divorce. And everyone lived happily ever after. The END.

NARRATOR

What the hell was that?

BABY BROTHER PIG

Careful language, Narrator dude. There are children present.

**REVIEW'S ARE ALWAYS APPRECIATED!! Thanks for reading!**


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